Birth Story - One year later

My labor with Ribgy likely started weeks before she was actually born. At my weekly appointments with Dr. Chauhan, my cervix was starting to show some changes. At the last appointment on September 10, I was 2-3 centimeters dilated, 80-90% effaced, and baby was at -1 station. I spent that week on “bed rest” because my amniotic fluid was a little low, but I really tried all I could think of to start labor. I was ready to meet this baby!

I had another ultrasound on Thursday, September 13. My fluid was still low (around a 5, same as Monday), and the tech (Tracy) said, “It wouldn’t be bad if you had that baby this weekend.” I was given instructions to continue with bed rest and return for another ultrasound on Monday, September 17. (By the way, Justin had crazy heart palpitations on the morning of September 13, and I actually had to take him to the ER on my way to the appointment. He was totally fine, and the doc gave him a prescription for some anxiety pills. I think the waiting daddy was getting a little nervous!)

Caroline, RJ, and Karen came to town on Friday night (September 14). We went out to eat, and then we all walked down the street with Rory to try to get things moving. No dice.

Saturday morning, Justin and RJ put some of the finishing touches on the nursery. We went to lunch, and then went to Kroger to buy burgers for a get-together that night with some friends. As we walked around Kroger, I had a couple of contractions and was generally uncomfortable, but no real noticeable change occurred. I would characterize my feelings most of the day Saturday as “uncomfortable.”

Justin, Caroline, and I went to our friends' house that evening. Caroline swam and played on the swing set with the other children, the men drank beers and cooked the meat, and the women chatted (mainly about kids and childbirth, given my condition). I held a little baby who was about 10 weeks old at the time. (I had heard that being around infants can give you a little boost of oxytocin, and I was hoping this might be the case.) We had a great time and then headed home.

Karen and RJ had gone to downtown Memphis while we were at the party, and they were at the house when we arrived back home. Austin and his friend were also there. They were planning to order pizza, and Caroline was asking to watch a movie. I just felt “ick,” and wanted to rest. I ate an ice cream Drumstick and then went to rest in our bedroom. I slept for an hour or so, and when Justin came to bed at 10:00, I told him that I was pretty sure that I had had a few contractions. They weren’t frequent or intense, so we both agreed that there was no reason to get worked up yet. He went to bed, and I watched Saturday Night Live for a while. I called our doula, Penny, around 11:30 and told her the situation. She suggested that I take some Tylenol PM or Tylenol and Benadryl and try to get some sleep. She said to call back with any questions or changes. I took some Benadryl and Tylenol and tried to sleep.

I had that kind of “in between” sleep for an hour or so. The kind of sleep where you might be in a very shallow sleep, but your mind is still racing. Around 1:00 or so, I went out to try to sleep on the couch in the living room. The contractions were definitely different from ones I had been feeling in the weeks leading up to this. They started as a kind of cramp, built in intensity (like someone was turning up the volume), then tapered off. I was keeping track of the time between contractions, and they were getting closer together. They were uncomfortable and somewhat painful, but I was able to breathe through them. I felt comforted by the peak of the contractions because I knew that the contraction would ease off after that point.

Our cat kept me company during these contractions. He sat on my lap as I lay on the couch, and I petted him as I breathed through the contractions. At around 3:00 am, my contractions were 6-8 minutes apart. I woke Justin and told him the situation. We agreed that it would likely be time to head to the hospital pretty soon, so he got up and we both took showers. Since my parents live so far away, I called them around 3:45 am to tell them that it seemed to be “go time!” Dad got ready to leave Summerville for Southaven, and Mom left Atlanta (where she’d been visiting Granny Dot) to head this way. Justin and I sat up as my contractions continued and became more frequent. Around 5:00 am, I called the doctor’s office to ask to speak to the doctor on call. Dr. Sullivant called me back shortly after, and he was rather nonchalant about the whole thing. He said that for a first pregnancy, contractions being 5 minutes apart may or may not mean baby is coming soon. He told me I could go to the hospital or not, and when I decided to go to the hospital, I could just go (no need to call him back). This was disappointing. I think that disappointment led to the next step in my labor process: a complete stop in contractions.

I called Penny and told her the latest development. She was very supportive and suggested getting more sleep since the contractions had stopped. I also called my parents to tell them to keep driving west but not to go to the hospital just yet. Justin and I went to sleep for a few hours.

When we woke up, Karen and Caroline were in the kitchen playing a game and eating doughnuts that they had picked up. Again, I felt uncomfortable and cranky. I ate a doughnut, and rested on the couch. When I got up at one point, I groaned and Caroline said, “Do you need to take your baby out?” Yes, sweet girl, I sure do!

I called Amy to talk to her about my experiences the night before, and I walked up and down the street again. My mom arrived around 11:00, and Karen, RJ, and Caroline were preparing to leave at the same time. My contractions also started to pick back up at this time. I ate some cheese toast and chatted with my mom. It was so awesome to see her! She brought a present from a co-worker and Rigby’s baby book from Granny Dot. Justin needed to go to the plant to submit payroll since it looked like he might be missing work on Monday. Mom and I stayed home and sat in the nursery. I rocked in the nursing chair, and when I had a contraction, I’d breathe and sometimes let out a low moan. I decided that two rules I wanted to have during labor were minimal talking during contractions and no laughing/jokes during contractions.

Justin returned home and suggested that I eat some soup. I had a few bites and a little more cheese toast. I heard my dad pull into the driveway, and right about that time, I knew I was going to lose my soup. I ran to the bathroom and was sick, just as my dad was coming in the house. After I cleaned up, I came out to say hello to my dad. I could tell from the look on his face that I looked rough. Mom informed Dad and Justin of my labor rules, and I was glad that she did. It was still tough for my dad not to joke, but he tried his best.

My contractions progressed and became closer together and more intense as the afternoon went on. Around 4:00, it felt like it was time to go to the hospital. I called Penny and asked her to meet us there. We loaded up the cars and set out for Methodist Germantown. Justin and I rode together, and I was very aware of the fact that this was the last time we’d ride in the car as “just us two.” (I knew we’d ride together without the baby in the future, but she’d still be “with” us in the sense that she would be waiting for us somewhere.)

We arrived at the hospital at the same time as Penny. I checked in and was taken to a room in Labor and Delivery. It was quiet that evening, as only one or two other mothers were on the unit. The nurse went over my birth plan with me, and she put in my hep lock (instead of an IV). I was allowed to labor in the clothes I wore from home, just as I’d requested. Penny spoke with the nurses on duty (they were about to be ending their shifts at 7:00), and one of the nurses showed her how to make the cute “bow” baby hats for baby girls. We set this baby hat aside for the little girl who would be joining us soon!

I was 4 cm dilated and 80-90% effaced. Since my water hadn’t broken yet, Penny suggested that we walk. And walk we did! We walked laps around L & D. At first, I’d need to stop about once a lap to have a contraction. I’d wrap my arms around Justin’s neck, put my forehead on his chest, and sway/slow dance through the contraction. At various times, Penny, Justin, and my mom and dad walked with us. Once an hour, the nurse hooked me up to the monitor to check my progress. During these checks, I ate popsicles and breathed through the contractions in the bed. Karen and RJ drove back up from dropping Caroline off, and they went to dinner with my parents. They brought dinner back for Justin, and he went to eat it in the lobby (so the laboring woman who couldn’t eat solids wouldn’t have to watch him!) while my parents stayed with me. When Justin returned, we resumed our walks around L & D. After the second contraction or so, I asked Justin if he’d eaten something with lettuce on it. He said that his burger had had lettuce, and I told him that I could smell the lettuce on his shirt. Penny couldn’t believe that I could smell lettuce!

After hours of walking, my water still hadn’t broken. We discussed having the doctor break my water, and I told Penny that I was really scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle harder contractions after they broke my water. We ended up having the doctor break my water around 10:00 or so, and the contractions really intensified then! At some point (I don’t remember if it was before or after the water breaking), my mom came back to the room from the lobby. It was really perfect timing because right as she got there, I became nauseous. I knew that Justin would have a hard time watching me throw up (and might start vomiting himself), so it was nice to have my mom and Penny there with the evening nurse (who was calm, quiet, and awesome) while I went through my nausea. At one point, I had to go to the bathroom, and they helped me waddle in there. I felt like I couldn’t even remember how to pee, so Penny turned on the faucet to help stimulate the urge.

As I labored through these much more intense contractions, we tried different labor positions. I remember leaning over the upright back of the bed going through a contraction and asking for medicine. The nurse said they would have to check my progress, and if I was more than 8 cm, I couldn’t get an epidural. While we were waiting (for what? I don’t even remember), I again asked for medicine. By the time they checked me, I was 8-9 cm, so it was too late for an epidural. I was actually pretty happy about this because I wanted a natural birth. That time during transition was just SO hard, and I didn’t know if I could go on.

Penny suggested I squeeze combs in my hands during contractions (one of her many Jedi doula tips), and that was amazing. From that last time of checking me until the baby was born, I felt like I had my eyes closed the entire time. Penny would talk me through contractions: “Relax your forehead,” “Stay on top of this one.” When I felt out of control, she helped me feel in control again.

I think I started pushing around 12:00 or 12:30. At first, I had no idea what I was doing. The nurse and Penny would tell me that I had done a good job pushing through a certain contraction, I didn’t know what I had done that was particularly good. I kept my eyes closed, and just remember feeling SO hot! Between contractions, Penny fanned me and my mom fed me ice chips. Penny and the nurse kept telling me to breathe through my nose and breathe for my baby between contractions, which I knew meant something was up. As it turns out, baby’s heart rate was dipping during contractions, and they wanted to make sure she was getting oxygen. I was a little scared, but I was doing all they were telling me to do. Through this whole process, I feel like my eyes were closed. Early in the pushing, the nurse said they were going to bring in the “delivery table.” I thought, “If you think I’m getting off this bed and getting onto some table, you’ve got another thing coming!” Turns out, they just meant the table with all the tools for the delivery.

As the baby began to crown, Penny asked me if I wanted the mirror rolled over so I could watch. I VERY quickly replied, “NO!” and kept me eyes closed and my breathing focused as I continued to push. At 2:30, I gave one more push, and Dr. Pickens caught sweet Rigby Anne Reed. He quickly removed the cord from around her neck (the reason for her decelerating heart rate), clamped it, and handed her to me. She was crying, and I was in awe! Oh my goodness! Here’s a baby! MY baby! She’s right here in my arms! What just happened! How is this possible?! We have a BABY?! It was amazing, incredible, and unbelievable. All the medical staff let me hold her for what felt like 15 minutes. The room was quiet and calm, save for Rigby’s cries. It was the birth experience I hoped and prayed for, and I felt so blessed to have a happy, beautiful baby girl.

One year later, I am incredibly thankful for my birth experience. There were really hard parts, but the end result was worth it all a million times over. Happy birthday, Rigby! You have made the last year of my life one of the best. I am so lucky to be your mommy. I love you!

It's a...

GIRL!

Well, Baby Buttercream is officially a girl! We are so excited! We were just certain that this baby was a boy, and we had a boy name all picked out. Unfortunately, we weren't so decisive about the girl names because we didn't think we needed to be. Well, Little Girl proved us wrong, and we are busy discussing possible names for this sweet baby. As I told Justin last week, it's so much easier to name a dog than to name a baby. (Dogs can't complain about it later. Dogs' friends don't make fun of them in middle school because of their name. Dogs only have to live with their name for, maybe, 20 years, max!)

I had some unwelcome excitement this weekend, as well. I woke up Saturday morning feeling kind of puny, which is not all that uncommon on an empty stomach. I ate breakfast, and it reappeared in short order. As the day progressed, I found that I couldn't keep anything down, not even water. A call to the on-call doc landed me with a scrip for anti-nausea medication, but I kept getting sick. (Even waking out of a nap twice to vomit...yuck city!) On top of things, Justin was on his way to and from Jackson to get the Comanche, so I spent most of the afternoon sick and alone. When he arrived home late Saturday afternoon, I told him I thought it would be best to go to the hospital. We trekked up to Methodist Germantown where I will be delivering, and they admitted me to get some IV fluids (because I was very dehydrated) and some additional nausea meds. That seemed to do the trick! The nursing staff was so great. After I dressed back in my regular clothes and the nurse was wheeling me out to the car, she commented on how pretty I looked. Let me assure you, this was NOT a true statement! I looked like death warmed over after being sick all day, doing nothing with my hair, and wearing no makeup. However, this woman's sweet lie compliment was just want this mama needed to hear. I spent Sunday and almost all of Monday re-hydrating and recuperating. I'm back at work today, but only operating at about 85% capacity. Fingers crossed that I'll be more myself tomorrow.

On the positive side, Buttercream has been a little gymnast all weekend. She is doing all kinds of somersaults and flips, and I can feel her quite frequently throughout the day. She usually wakes up around the time I do, and I feel her little movements as I'm still in bed working up the gumption to face the day. Last week, Justin tried to feel her move as I was standing in front of him. I told him that she usually moves more when I'm reclined, and as soon as I lay down on the bed, she was moving up a storm. The look on his face was priceless.

We can't wait to meet you, Sweet Baby Girl! You are already loved beyond words, and our love will only grow once we have a living, breathing, precious girl with us out here in the world!

Anticipation...

Okay, so I don't keep up with this blog



at all



so this is a pretty random thing to post about since I haven't posted in over a year.

Justin and I are expecting our first child in a little more than four months. September 26, to be exact. We are VERY excited. The baby has been making movements that I can feel for about three weeks, and the baby is finally big/strong enough to make some kicks and punches that can be felt on the outside, too. It is the strangest, coolest feeling. At first I couldn't decide if I was feeling baby movements or food digestion. However, one day a few weeks ago I was sitting at my desk, and it was like, "Wha-bam! Take that, Mama!" It was incredible!

We have our anatomy ultrasound tomorrow, which means we'll hopefully find out the sex of the baby. It will be nice to have a pronoun other than "it." As much as I've always wanted to be a mother, it has been a little different than expected to be pregnant. I thought I'd be comfortable talking and singing to the baby all the time, but it has been kind of strange to do so far. I'm thinking that as the baby gets bigger and it become more and more obvious that it (See? There's that pronoun!) is always with me, making its presence known, it will feel more natural to communicate with the baby.

There are a lot of exciting things in our future, and tomorrow is just one of many. I can't wait to find out if this is Baby Buttercream or Baby Flat Tire! (Although, regardless, I think my new favorite nickname is Baby Buttermilk Biscuit.)

It continues...

So I'm continuing to follow my new home organization guru, the FlyLady, and I've done pretty well keeping up with her. I've been "FLYing" since a few weeks before Thanksgiving, and I really think I'm making progress. Sometimes I look around my house and think, "Really? I still have all this junk and crap?! What have I been doing? I feel like I'm always doing a little something, yet there's still so much more to do." I might start to beat myself up for not doing more or not having time to get it all done at once.

But then I get one of my daily e-mails from the FlyLady about taking baby steps, doing one thing at a time, a little progress is better than none, the house didn't get dirty and messy overnight so it won't be all put together in a day, etc. Those little reminders are a God-send.

Case in point: we've decided to expand our family by adding a cat to the mix. Although we had bad luck with felines last year, we are trying again. Well, we needed a place for the fella to go, and especially a place for his litter box. It seemed the laundry room would be a good place, but there was a bunch of junk on the floor and everywhere. I got in there and started flinging. Old bags, a pillow case of batting/stuffing from a project from Christmas two years ago, a bunch of aprons, and a "mystery bag" of things that had been sitting on the floor since I fully moved into the house (2.5 years ago!). That mystery bag contained my rain coat (I've been borrowing Justin's when it rains), my hand mixer (I've been wondering where it was...and frustrated over the 2 sets of beaters for the one hand mixer we could find), an old and dingy bow from when C was much littler (would have been 2 years old), and a bowl of dried-on mystery food (complete with spoon stuck in there). What a relief to get that off the floor and out of there! I literally get scared to go through those mystery bags, mystery food containers, etc., but this experience shows that it won't kill me. Better to just do it and get it done!

Since I was on a roll (and it is the zone room of the week), I set my timer to declutter the entry/dining cabinet for 15 minutes. I put things in Justin's car that needed to go there, threw away maps of hunting spots around Starkville (Justin hasn't been in probably 3 years or more), tossed lemons that had dried up beyond recognition and shoes that have needed to be repaired since I first moved to Memphis (3 years ago!), and generally got rid of junk!

Sure, there's still plenty more that needs to be done around the house, and I need to get the Christmas decorations put away this week, but what a relief to have these two scary things taken care of! If I can go through and toss things that have been lurking for 2-3 years, I can definitely take on the new stuff in the house: little by little.

Glad to be making some sort of positive progress...

FLYing now

I haven't posted in forever, so I really should post a more substantive blog. However, I only have a minute, and I want to capture this before it leaves my brain.

About 2 weeks ago, I discovered the FLYLady. I first heard about her in a book that I perused in a bookstore in Starkville, and then I read about her again on the blog of a friend from high school. I decided to check out her site, and it really rang true for me. Some other time I'll go into all of the connections between her site and recommendations and my background in psychology. It all fits together quite nicely.

But for now, I will just say this so I won't forget it! Last night, I made soup for a co-worker and her husband because the husband had surgery yesterday. I was home along because J was out of town for work, and I get really lazy when I'm home alone. I ate a ridiculous supper, just out of laziness. But in any event, since I've been FLYing with the FLYLady, I've had a nice, shiny sink for two weeks. After cooking the soup, I filled the soup pot with hot, soapy water. I was so tempted to leave it overnight and just get to it this morning. However, my habit of cleaning out and shining the sink each night has taken hold! I had to wash that pot and put it in the dishwasher before I could go to bed! I guess those baby steps really do build up into a habit over time!

More later!
CBR

Why I won't be adding it to my WW Points Tracker for today

I think if you walk up AND down 3 flights of stairs to buy a Snickers bar from the vending machine, it totally cancels out the calories of consuming the Snickers bar.

Spoiled

I am trying feverishly to get everything done at work before heading out of town for a whole week for a much-needed vacation. And what am I doing instead? Writing in my oft-forgotten blog, of course! Duh!

Justin, his family, and I are going to Florida for some R&R next week. I've never taken a week-long vacation to such a relaxing place (well, I've taken week-long trips to Maine before, which my mom says completely restores her soul, but this is different because I'm a grown-up now), and I'm really looking forward to it. Before we can go, though, I have to finish up three reports, start a new therapy client, and do countless odds and ends both at home and work. Let's hope I can get them all done in time!

Yesterday, Justin informed me that our travel plans have changed. We're still leaving on Saturday and coming back the following Saturday, but our mode of transportation has changed somewhat. At first I was a little bummed, but then I stopped to think about it and I said, "Hey, lady, you're going to the beach for a whole week. Don't go complaining about how you're going to get there!" That's when I realized how quickly I've become spoiled by the luxury of traveling often and quite comfortably. I need to step back and examine all of the many blessings in my life and show the appreciation that they deserve (rather than pouting - however briefly - about things not being exactly what I had thought they would be).

Well, I suppose that is all for now. I really do need to get some work finished before the end of the day. Perhaps I will start to post more once I re-charge my battery on vacation.

Trust

So, I don't really write in this blog very much, but I have become completely addicted to other blogs. Google Reader is the devil for making so easy and convenient to waste hours on end reading about people you don't know or things you could never afford to buy. However, I think it can be amazing to hear about other people experiencing things that I also experience and exploring how they cope with them. Must be the psychologist in me...

Recently, I've read some blogs by some people who have a very strong and deep faith about trusting in the Lord and His plans for their lives. I know not everyone has that same belief system, but my faith is very important to me. Over the years, I have come to see that God DOES have a plan for me and it is WAY better than any plan I would have for myself. When I try to make plans that don't jive with God, you better believe that they don't work out. When I try to have a relationship with someone who is not right for me or try to force something before its time, no dice. I never thought I would end up in Memphis - here I am. I never thought I would STAY in Memphis after some rough patches during internship - here I am. I never thought I would TURN DOWN Emory to stay in Memphis - here I am. I never thought I would meet someone so amazing and funny and handsome and smart and kind who actually loved me back - here I am. I have no idea what the future holds - when things will happen, in what way, shape, or form. However, I have complete faith and trust that God will make the way for me to have the desires of my heart if I continue to have faith in Him.

Tracking

Lately, I've purchased several things online. One reason is that, with a real (eek!) job, I don't have lots of time to go shopping in stores. Lots of my loved ones have birthdays in November, and Christmas is right around the corner. So I've started using the Internet to be my little helper in gift purchasing.

One of the best things about this process is that you can track your packages as they make the great journey to your door. I love watching the boxes make their trek from the factory or store to Memphis, TN. For instance, JR's birthday present is supposed to arrive at my office today, but before this it spent a little time in Nashville, Missouri, and North Dakota! These websites also time-stamp each stop on the journey, so I know that at 1:37 am, some hard-working UPS people were unloading and scanning my box in Nashville. It really is neat when you get a glimpse into some other profession, such as that of UPS worker. Those folks work very hard to get your packages to you as quickly as possible, meaning that they're loading and unloading planes and trucks even while I'm cozy and asleep in my bed. I sure am grateful for that.

Looking for motivation

Back in March when Jess and I ran the ING Half-Marathon, we made a commitment to each other to run the St. Jude Half-Marathon in Memphis in December. Well, the date is fast approaching, and my running is not nearly where I'd like for it to be. I've had some speed bumps that have gotten in the way (getting sick, falling during a run), but I've really let them impact my training more than they should have. I want to be ready for the race in just a few short weeks, but I fear that my training won't be able to get me there. Any ideas for ways to increase my motivation to train harder and get the job done?

Better and better

So, as some of you know (and as I've alluded to in previous posts), I've been dating a marvelous man for a little while now. I saw a "little while" because it has been quite brief (almost 5 months). However, he is the most incredible person, and we have an amazing time. I feel like I knew we had something special going on from the first date (or at least by the second). He completely loves and appreciates me for the person I am, and I do the same for him. We have this amazing chemistry and freakishly similar backgrounds. (I mean, how many couples do you know who both had Chevrolet Celebrities as their first cars?) Indeed, we have notable differences as well, but I feel like those complement and enhance our relationship.

For a while, I kept waiting for a shoe to drop. --This can't be happening. It's too good. There's got to be some deep, dark secret lurking. He must not be telling me the whole truth.-- But time after time, I found that everything was real. He was being honest with me. All these feelings were not only built on truth, they were also mutual!

I feel so remarkably blessed to have him in my life. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that the present is terrific, the (brief) past has been amazing, and I only hope that the future gets better and better.

What was I thinking?

I have been blessed in life to have some amazing friends and family members. For some reason, though, I've dated some people who really have not been good for me and who make me feel bad about myself. Why on Earth would I do this? Now, don't get me wrong. I've dated some very nice guys (and the current fella is so wonderful and a wonderfully amazing match for me, it's quite uncanny), but I've dated some people who just weren't very nice.

Now, it would probably shock these people to death to hear me say that they weren't nice or that they treated me badly. The reason for this is that many of them are, themselves, wounded, and that is why they treated me so shabbily. You see, it goes like this. Dude dates Colby. Dude has issues about himself. Dude turns these issues around to make them about Colby and how Colby doesn't measure up. Colby feels bad because of these issues and momentarily forgets that the real problem is Dude and Dude's issues. Then, Dude and Colby break up. Dude plays pitiful victim role and Colby feels super bad. But then Colby remembers that the problems included Dude and his issues, and he made her feel bad about herself anyway. So, Colby moves on and tries to find better guy. However, Dude often tries to hold on, continuing to make Colby feel bad. This is why Colby must shake off the haters and find happiness and satisfaction in spite of these Dudes. After all, living well is the best revenge one could ever have.

All in good time...

So, I sort of had an epiphany today about the timing of things happening. I had a partial-epiphany about this about a year ago, but I realized a little bit more of it today. (Maybe it' s more of a progressive epiphany...) Basically, it's about the timing of things and (somewhat) what motivates us to do things when.

The back-story goes like this: In the last six years of my life (for those of you keeping score at home, that would be the duration of my graduate career), I've had problems at times getting motivated. Granted, I had difficulty getting motivated before 2002, but it seemed like I always had deadlines or parents or teachers or some other external force to motivate me before graduate school. In graduate school, you have several really big things that you have to do, and, at least in my experience, you kind of have to do a lot of the motivating for yourself.

This is a problem for me.

While I'm quite conscientious and many people would say I'm self-motivated, I have trouble working really hard on something that has a deadline looming way out there in the distance. In graduate school, the major example here would be my dissertation. Now, when I entered my program, I knew that a dissertation would be required in order for me to graduate. (I mean, it is a doctoral program, after all.) However, it always seemed like something that was far away, way off there in the distance, that I wouldn't have to worry about for a long time. Well, time passed. Years went by. I had some major ups and downs in my life (that I won't go into here), but the dissertation still didn't get done. Until one day I looked around, took stock of where I was in my life, and realized that I needed to get my butt in gear if I was gonna get out of UGA alive (and with my degree). This epiphany came at a time of major change for me, but it was just what I needed to knock out my prospectus and dissertation in a pretty short time.

The next time I had such an epiphany was in the fall of 2006 when I was, again, having some difficult times in my life. Again, I looked around, took stock of where I was in life, and decided to make a change, this time literally getting my butt in gear. I got in shape. I ran. I swam. I lifted weights. I even tried riding Jessica's road bike. (Perhaps some time in the future I'll ride a bike of my own.) But the coolest part: I achieved some major goals! In March 2008, Jessica and I ran the ING Half-Marathon in Atlanta. This is something I never thought I could do. Like the dissertation, this goal seemed so big and far-fetched that I didn't know where to begin. When the time was right, though, I had the physical, mental, and emotional strength to reach this goal. And I'm not stopping there! We have plans to run another half-marathon (the St. Jude one here in Memphis) in December.

So that leads me to today's epiphany. I've been putting off making the final revisions to my dissertation and submitting it to the graduate school since last summer. I haven't been doing this on purpose or for any specific reason. I just haven't felt it. (Or, to put it another way, I haven't been motivated to do it.) However, on Saturday I made the final changes, and I submitted it for the format check today. The format checkers got back to me super quickly, and I've been working on the changes this afternoon so that I can get it out of the way and off my plate. I'm big-time motivated to get this done now.

Thus, the epiphany...things happen in their own time. You can't force it. When everything is in place to allow you to accomplish your goals, you'll be able to accomplish them much more easily. If you try to force things before you are ready (or perhaps before the universe is ready for you to accomplish them), you'll run into problems. I've had some experiences in my day when I've tried to force something to happen that I thought I really really really really wanted to happen. However, I see now that those things weren't the plan for my life, and they failed. Today's epiphany reminds me that I need to "wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (Psalms 27: 14) I know some people might not take this to the Bible in this way, but I feel this verse particularly appropriate for my current state of mind.

Brain dump

I was reading someone else's blog yesterday, and the content was basically a "brain dump." This is a post where you just sort of let the thoughts flow with no real theme or plan. I thought it might be appropriate and productive to have one of these "brain dump" blogs today, as my brain is sort of swimming with thoughts.

• Why is it that I'm becoming (pretty much) obsessed with reading other people's blogs but I don't keep up with my own? Could it be that it is a phenomenal way to avoid work?
• Am I making the right choices with my life on a daily basis? What about the bigger choices I'm making or preparing to make? How am I doing with those?
• Do I spend enough time with Rory?
• Am I becoming a crappy friend/daughter/sister/etc., or am I just following the natural ebb and flow of life?
• What are my deal breakers? How do I know when the deal is broken? (in multiple contexts)
  
• Do brain dumps have to be full of questions?
• OK...some statements...
• I really like my new Palm phone, even though I can't quite figure it all out.
• I really need to get back into running. I took a little break after my 1/2 marathon and never really got back on the horse. I took another break when I thought my health was potentially compromised, but I haven't gotten back into it since finding out I'm healthy. Need to do that.
• I can't believe that I'm graduating in a month and a half! It has been a long road, and I can't wrap my mind around the fact that it's almost over.
• I need to relax and let life happen as it will. God has a plan for my life, and I am confident of this. He has not given me challenges or opportunities that I could not handle. When I am nervous and uncertain about the future, I need to take comfort in that fact.
  

Things That Are My Favorite About Memphis

Also known as: Why Memphis is Starting to Grow on Me OR Reasons I'm Happy I've Decided to Stay In Memphis

Well, much to everyone's surprise (including my own), I've decided to stay in Memphis for another year. Earlier in 2008, I went through the process of applying for post-doctoral fellowships. For those not in psychology, this is somewhat akin to a medical fellowship (with my current internship being sort of like residency). Although I will officially be Dr. Butzon on August 2, 2008 (Can you believe that?! I can't.), I will not be able to become a licensed psychologist in most states without some additional supervised work experience. In other words, most states aren't quite ready to unleash me on the unsuspecting public quite yet. Thus, I had to apply for a post-doctoral position to gain additional experience. I applied to several great places, and I received interviews and job offers from some of my top picks. Among them, I was offered a position with Emory in Atlanta (at the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Clinic/Maternal Substance Abuse Program at the Marcus Institute). Now, everyone (and I mean everyone) was sure I would take this position because (a) it's closer to home (i.e., family), (b) it's Emory, and (c) it's not Memphis. BUT, I was also offered a position at the Boling Center for Developmental Disabilities in Memphis. This is the place where I've gotten my feet wet with a type of therapy I've been interested in for years (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy, aka PCIT). Staying at the Boling Center would not only allow me to get much more experience in PCIT, but would also allow me to train some other folks in this type of therapy (which would allow me to train people on my own when I'm a "real" psychologist). In addition to the rockin' PCIT, I'd also get great assessment experience at the Boling Center, particularly with young kids and kids with suspected developmental disabilities. So...after much stress and debate, I decided to stay in Memphis for my post-doc. This means that I will be in the Blues City until at least August 2009. However, given the list below, I'm not yet packing my bags for my exodus.

So, without further delay, my favorite things about Memphis:

1. Memphis in May: For this one I don't just mean the great month of festivals that take place every year in May (although my experience with them so far has been quite wonderful). The weather in Memphis this May has been phenomenal, and it makes me just want to be outside. Spring is one of my favorite seasons, and I think May will take the cake for my favorite spring-time month this year.
   
2. Central BBQ: Amazing barbeque! The ribs are delicious, pulled pork to-die-for, and the homemade potato chips are terrific. This is just a great place to go for lunch, dinner...whatever. (Plus, the smell of the smoker outside is enough to make your full belly yearn for more delicious pork.)
   
3. Good BBQ in general: Now, I'm a true Southern girl, so I'm kind of particular about my bbq. I don't get into the arguments of dry vs. wet, vinegar-based vs. ketchup/other-based (although in SC the bbq is mustard-based), I just love good pork barbeque. Thankfully there is plenty to be had in Memphis. I don't know what I'd do if I moved some place that didn't have good barbeque and sweet tea.
   
4. Good food in general: And while we're on the topic of my stomach, let me just say that Memphis has some truly delicious food. At first, I was disappointed because I wanted food that was familiar (like some Barberito's tacos or Cups coffee or Big City Bread raspberry muffins). However, once I gave Memphis the chance to show me her own take on the culinary arts, I have not been disappointed. I've had great sushi, awesome steaks, delicious fish, and even killer muffins (at the VA, no less!) all in Memphis.
5. Walking along the Mississippi: Can you think of anything cooler than walking your dog along the Mississippi River as the sun is setting over Arkansas? It's pretty great.
   
6. Interstate commerce: Given Memphis's proximity to Arkansas and Mississippi, it is sometimes necessary to go out-of-state to do my shopping. I still think it's quite funny to head over the river or go south into Mississippi to go to Wal-Mart or the pet store.
   
7. Living downtown and walking to all sorts of fun places: Now, unfortunately, I'll be moving out of my prime location downtown in a few weeks. However, I've loved living within walking distance to the Peabody, Beale Street, the Mississippi River, and great restaurants. I'm excited to move to a bigger place in Midtown, but I have certainly loved living downtown.
   
8. Not having to follow the speed limit: One positive aspect of both #1 and #2 of the "Why I Hate Memphis" post is that, with all the bad drivers and crime going on, cops really have more important things to do than pull me over for speeding. I mean, I don't drive insanely fast, but I don't even bat an eye going 10 mph over the speed limit on the highway.
   
9. No state income tax: For folks who pay taxes, it is nice to have that little bit of extra that you're not giving to the government.
   
10. Living in the past (aka-Central time): I still get a kick out of the fact that I'm an hour behind most of my friends and family "back east." I love leaving messages saying "It's five o'clock my time, six o'clock your time." I enjoy staying up to watch the evening news and a little late-night TV and still going to bed at 11:00. The downside: I don't always make it home in time for the six o'clock news because it comes on at five.
    
11. Great music: I mean, the home of the Blues and Elvis Presley?! As one of my friends often says, even mediocre musicians in Memphis would be considered great musicians anywhere else.
    
12. Nice places to run and workout: I'm so happy to have a great Y downtown where I can workout and train. And running around downtown and Mud Island is wonderful! Now, I have to admit that the Memphis facilities can't hold a candle to the Ramsey Center at UGA, but could any place really do that? I don't think so.
    
13. The wonderful people I have met here: Save the best for last. This really is my favorite thing about Memphis. I've met some great people here, and I am so thankful for that. I think about what life might have been like if I'd taken the post-doc in Atlanta. Sure, I'd be much closer to the amazing friends that I have back in GA/SC/NC. Sure, I'd still have met great people here. However, I wouldn't be able to put in the time and effort into truly getting to know the people here on more than a superficial level. I feel that there is most definitely a purpose for me staying in Memphis, and this last "favorite" thing could be a big part of that.
    

Things That Are "Not My Favorite" About Memphis

Also known as: Why I Hate Memphis OR Things I Won't Miss When I Leave This City

1. The crime: Hello! Car broken into, radio stolen...not fun.
2. The horrible drivers: They even make ME look like a good driver! Jeesh!
3. The weird smell: So, for some reason it smells kind of like a chicken processing plant sometimes. It's not all the time, and it's not a yummy-Memphis-BBQ kind of smell. It's clearly something strange, like a chicken processing plant. You might be saying, "Hey, Colby. How do you know what a chicken processing plant smells like?" Well, friend, I lived in Athens for five years, and much of that time I lived near the chicken plants on Tallassee Road. Also, there's a lot of rural-ality (yeah, I just made that up) around Athens and other places I've lived in my life, so one might expect that chickens (and the plants required to process them) would be hanging around. One would think that a moderately-sized city, such as Memphis, would not have such an aroma. One would be wrong. We are just across the river from Arkansas, though. Maybe that explains it.

This is just the beginning of this list. I'm sure it will get longer and longer as the year progresses. I'll also add additional points under the above gripes. (The bad drivers could be a blog post all on their own.) However, I wanted to get these out of my brain and posted into this cyberspace thing tonight.

The most disgusting week ever

About three weeks ago, I had, as the title suggests, the most disgusting week ever. It was so crazy and funny (after each event), that I thought I would share it with all of you. I'll begin at the end, which was the least disgusting thing of the week, and work my way back.


So on Saturday morning I wake up to take Rory for a quick little morning walk. On Saturdays, I like to sleep in; however, Rory does not. Therefore, we were up and outside around 6:30 for Rory to do her thing. When we came back inside, I decided to go back to sleep for a little bit to be truly lazy. Before heading back to bed, though, I had my own potty break. Perfectly normal and undisgusting so far... Well, I bought this new toilet paper at Walgreen's about a week before the incident, and apparently this is super-clogging paper. When I flushed, the completely reasonable amount of paper clogged the toilet and began to make the darn thing flood my bathroom. Luckily it didn't flood it too bad, and I was able to clean up the water. However, I had to stay up cleaning and mopping the floor, instead of getting more well-deserved sleep.

The day before, on Friday, I awoke as normal to take Rory for a walk. It was about 5:30 and still very dark outside. We walked up Union Ave. to Main St., as we sometimes do. As we were walking down Main St., Rory eyed one of Memphis's many rats scurrying along the sidewalk. The rat moved over into the shadow of a trolley stop, and I thought it was gone. However, as we approached the stop, the rat was close by. I guess city rats are slow because Rory managed to catch it in her mouth and proceed to shake it from side to side. Of course I began screaming "No! Drop it! Stop!" Guess what...noone came to help. Kind of makes you wary of what would happen if I was yelling "No! Stop!" because someone was attacking me. The rat must have moved in a way that scared Rory or something (or possibly hurt her) because she suddenly jumped a little bit and dropped the rat. The rat moved over into the shadows again, and we hurried home, hoping to not run into any more rodents.

So, the beginning of the whole disgusting week was a rainy Monday. I came home from work, changed clothes, and walked Rory. I decided to take out the trash before going to work out, so I got a bag of trash and a broken lamp to take down to the trash shute. As I'm tossing the lamp down the shute, I realize that I have also let go of my keys...into the shute. Yikes! I went to my apartment management office and told them what had happened. They were not very interested in helping me, and they said that maybe the maintenance folks would be able to help me the next day but not that day because it wasn't an "emergency." I told them that if they could at least show me where the trash went, I'd see what I could do to retrieve my keys. After telling me that they had no clue where the trash went, one of the leasing agents called the maintenance crew and found out where the door to the dumpster was located. She walked around the side of the building with me (in the rain!) and tried to unlock the door, but it was stuck. The other leasing agent then tried to unlock the door, and he was successful. I entered the little dumpster chamber to find two small dumpsters, one with a lid and one right next to it what was open with the shute emptying into it from above. I quickly climbed up on top of the lidded dumpster (all that working out and swimming/getting in and out of the pool really helped give me the oomph to get up there). I looked in and immediately spotted my keys at the bottom next to the only two bags of trash in the dumpster. The leasing agent handed me a broom handle that was in the dumpster chamber, and I used it to move the trash bags out of the way. I then unfolded a wire hanger that was on the floor of the chamber and commenced trying to "fish" out my keys. I hooked them several times, but they kept falling off before I could pull them up. I was still trying, when all of a sudden I heard a door open from above. I shouted "Don't drop your trash down here," and got out of the way just as a bag of trash descended toward my head. The trash bag covered up all of the work I had just accomplished, so I told the leasing agent that I had no choice but to hop in there and get my keys. So that's what I did...hop in, flip flops and all, and extract my keys from a puddle of dumpster sludge. I hopped quickly out of the dumpster and thanked the leasing agent for all his help. He replied "That's okay. I think that's the coolest thing I've ever seen." I immediately went home, showered thrice, and soaked my keys in bleach!

So there's the most disgusting week ever. Neither Rory nor I have shown any adverse effects from our adventures (such as, like the black plague or tetanus), so I guess we're okay.

Very first blog

So, I'm new to blogging and this is a bit weird. This is sort of a test to make sure it works. So...does it work?